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Fill in the Blank

Show me the way a country, community, or family cares for its (blank) and I’ll tell you what sort of people they are. What would you put in the blank? It has been said about the dead, children, and many others. My concern at this stage of life is how we deal with the elderly.

That generation who faced so many hardships both natural and man-made. They worked and struggled to care for their families. They were patriotic. They had strong faith and were the backbone of religious, civil, and communty organizations. They made mistakes but corrected many.

Now that they are old, wrinkled, and frail, society ignores them or looks upon them with disgust. These beautiful people who rocked their babies, grew much of their own food, and supplied the best shelter they could for them are shuned as worthless beings taking up space.

Add the many diseases of dementia and they are put aside in a corner and made ‘comfortable’ while just waiting. Add in other health concerns and these individuals are forgotten. So much so that, unless they have advocates to fight for them, their lives consist of strangers  telling them when to eat, when to sleep, dressing them in whatever is handiest, bathing them when its convenient, and giving them medicine to keep them calm. If you have an elderly loved one, be present and speak up for them.

It’s not easy to continue being in someone’s life when they no longer have the shared memories and most of the time have no idea who you are. But I am because I have the memories. I knew the meal-cooking, house-cleaning, clothes-ironing, quilt-making, loving woman I am still proud to call Mom.

P.S. We just celebrated Mom’s 94th birthday this month.

Home

One word that conjures up thoughts and feelings that no other single word does. When you read the title, what instantly came to your mind? We see the idea of home portrayed on television, in movies, and on cards. We all know that perfect ‘home’ with the perfect fire in the fireplace creating a soft glow on everything in the perfect room while the perfect family sits calmly together reading, knitting, and playing.

But sometimes home isn’t like that. Sometimes home is messy, loud, and busy. Sometimes home is a much loved house with a leaky roof, bad plumbing, or rattling windows. Why? We all know the answer is because the people in the family and the memories of those intertwined lives is what makes a place a home. It should also be a place we feel safe. Savor those times and memories of home. It is a part of who we are today.

So when’s the last time you were home? Today? Last week? Last year? Or longer? Ever?

Nothing New Under the Sun

It’s a ‘new’ year! We want each year to be better than the last. We want it full of health and wealth. We want new beginnings. Logically though we know it is just another day. Calendars are reminders of the time of year, meetings, appointments, and daily living. We become slaves to the calendar. There are times I wonder what the daily routine was like before calendars and clocks.

“Oh, look dear, the sun is directly above us. We must eat now.”

“You promised to have some meat ready for dinner when the shadows of the tall trees reached the garden.”

“Did you set the rooster so he would crow early in the morning?”

The thoughts run rampant in my mind, however people most likely didn’t think in those terms. They ate when hunger, slept when sleepy, and woke when rested.  Aren’t these the same reasons we look forward to vacations?

Just the rambling of a tired woman who will now go set her alarm clock to wake her up so she can be at work on time and count the minutes until time to leave. Oh, don’t get me wrong. I really like my job. It would be excruciatingly worse if I did not.

This year I am going to do some writing that will be categorized as Soapbox or maybe Things that make me go hmmmm…

Do hope 2010 brings you much happiness. Be kind to others and yourself. Take some “time” to not worry about time. Eat when you feel hungry, sleep when you feel tired, and wake up when you are rested.

Until next time…

Until Next Time…Part 3

As the thoughts from the two previous post have simmered in my head, this Part 3 came to mind. Another angle on the same subject does exist. It goes hand in hand with Part 2 coming full circle back to Part 1.

You have to be aware of my fondness for wise sayings if you have read many of my blogs. Here’s another one for you to ponder. “If you don’t do it, you will never know what would have happened had you tried.” I know there have been many times in my life that I have come to the proverbial crossroads and had to make a decision on which path to travel. Haven’t you found yourself there wondering  what would happen if you went to the right or the left?

I have used different strategies to determine the answer. Some decisions were made out of fear, some out of pride, others out of despair. As I have grown and matured, more of my path taking decisions are based on hope, desire, and self-awareness.

These wise words go along with Part 2 because it says that you will never again be at this exact place at this exact moment with this exact decision to be made. Prepare for it as you may, you will never know if it was the best decision at that time. We all speculate what might have been. Dozens of movie are made with the premice that someone gets to have a do-over. But that’s the movie and real life doesn’t work that way.

Which brings us to how it circles back to Part 1. The facts of life are that we only find depression and grief when we live in the world of what ifs. We come to understand that each crossroad is an opportunity that will take us to the next crossroad. Next time we come to that spot, we have knowledge we didn’t have before that we can draw on to make the next decision.

Wherever you are on life’s journey, face each crossroad experience with the idea that you will be a better person because of your experience. I also encourage you to use all resources available to you. Talk to people you trust. Research the path. Most of all listen to your heart.

Until next time…

Until Next Time…Part 2

Until Next Time…Part 2

On the previous post, I discussed my use of this term. It is used similar to, “Until we meet again.” It is perfectly appropriate to look forward to the next time of many things, such as seeing loved ones, birthday parties, reunions, etc.

However, most everything in life has a flip side. I was recently confronted head on with the flip side of next time thinking. Members of the local ball team wore T-shirts with “There is no next time” across the back. Wow, that set me back a minute. As I digested this new phraseology, many occasions to prove this side of the coin flashed rapidly through my mind. Their shirts were relating the idea to the championship in order to encourage goal-seeking hard and disciplined teamwork toward a common goal. Like that game, we face a multitude of things in life that we only get one shot at doing. We would do well to look toward life with that same goal-seeking hard and disciplined work as the members of a team preparing for a championship game. Most of the time, we have to make the final decisions alone, however, the wise person builds a team of family, friends, and mentors to be teammates for that important championship game for which there will be no next time.

Until next time…

Until next time…Part 1

Any of you that have read my blogs or know me personally know this has become a signature good-bye phrase. Having used it often for sometime now, it was natural to use it with Mom when she could no longer live at home. Amid her confusion of being left with strangers in Assisted Living, she would ask, “When will you be back?” or some version of that. Some days she didn’t know who I was but knew I was a constant in her life and that there was a connection. However, if I said I will be back today, she would remember. If something happened to prevent that, she was upset. My husband and I adopted this already familiar phrase when leaving. Mom was reassured that we would return at the first opportunity. Fortunately, there were other family members that would visit her also, helping fill her time.

Time slipped by and there were hurdles to jump, but jump  or climb over them we did together. Eventually, the event we feared happened. Mom fell and broke her hip. Hip replacement surgery and three weeks in a specialty hospital were hard on her and us. The hardest part was knowing she could not return to Assisted Living. Mom was moved to a nursing home where the environment is so different. Assisted Living facilities depend on the person’s abilities to do some basic care for themselves. Nursing Homes are designed to have the person dependent on the staff. It has been hard to make this transition, because Mom is somewhere in between the two scenarios. Still our, “until next time…” reassures her that we will be back.

Mom is still inside the ailing body and confused mind. Her sense of humor, grace, and loving heart shine through the fog like a lighthouse blinking, “It’s still me. I’m still in here.” It has been a blessing and honor to spend time with her. I will continue as long as she needs me and I am capable. And when the time comes that we are separated by death, no matter when that will be, I will still be telling Mom, “See ya next time.”

Until next time…

Life’s Heartbreaks

A child may be broken-hearted over a broken toy. A teenage girl’s heart breaks when her dream boy asks someone else to the prom. Young adults may feel it when they are struggling through college or unfulfilled new expectations of love. The perfect job slips through the hands of a new graduate.

Do you notice the common thread? Expectations and loss. A popular theme is the expectation theory which I agree with in many ways. Expect what you want in life and it will come. However, sometimes our hearts are broken because our expectations fail completion.

Then there is the heartbreak of loss alone. Most often this comes through death. We all know that all will die. Sometimes there is the expectation that the person would have lived longer, but many times it is simple loss of that person in our lives that breaks our hearts.

Currently, I am struggling with the heartbreak of watching my mother’s health deteriorate. She is elderly and has dementia, but until recently, was physically healthy. Over the last three months she has suffered many trials. It breaks my heart daily to watch her and know this is a journey she has to travel alone.

Some things mean so much to us usually because of a connection with that item to another person. The people in our lives should be cherished daily. Make memories while you can – you may need those good memories to carry you through rough times ahead. Tell someone how much they mean to you TODAY. It is all we truly have. And know that you are important to someone, probably many someones.

So that’s it until next time…

Lurking

Hi everyone. I know it is nice to just sit back and lurk around websites. Done it myself. But after building shyjot.com and writing a few blogs, I discovered that more people lurk than not. Now I leave more comments sharing my thoughts, because I realize people do want - no they need feedback. I hope some day you feel comfortable enough here that you will add a comment. If you would like to send us a comment but do not want it open to the public, you can let me know that in the comment and it will be just between us. Comments do not automatically appear, but have to be approved first. I would like to publish some so others know they aren’t the only ones following us. Either way I would like to hear from you. I have so many questions only you can answer. Who are you? What do you find appealing about our blogs and our site? If you could change one thing about our website, what would it be? Do you have any problems navigating through ShyJot? Many changes have been made recently and there are more to come.  Still looks the same? Hit the refresh button. Enjoy checking it out and come back often. Until next time…

Doing Things Right

“If you don’t do it right the first time, when will you find time to do it over?”

Doing things right (especially the first time) seems to get harder and harder. Work becomes high priority because it should have been finished yesterday or last week. Rush, rush, rush to get finished so the next chore on the to do list being put off to finish this one can be moved to high priority. In the rush, details are missed, creating the necessity to do it over and bumping something else down on the list or this rework being placed at the bottom again. This way of life has become the norm for many people leaving them feeling discouraged and addicted to the rush of adrenaline constantly running through their bodies. They are stressed and stress everyone around them.

There are still a few around who enjoy the peace of mind of a job well done on time and few, if any, reworking of the same issue. It brings a calmness to life and spirit that is difficult to match. That is a true natural high to a person’s heart, mind, and soul. There is more satisfaction and contentment in the workplace. It is a pleasure to work with this person and know that if they are working on a project, it will be done when they say to the best of their abilities. This person stays true to the standards they have regardless of how hectic life gets or how panicked other people become. Everyone likes to be around this person whether at work or elsewhere. This person makes us feel better just by being around them.

Do you know people in both categories? Are you around more in the first or second group? Which one are you? Don’t you have better things to do with your time than doing something over?

“If you don’t do it right the first time, when will you find time to do it over?”

Unwise sayings

Hello friends and other kind-hearted people. It has been a long time. Boring you with all the details of why would be of no avail, so let’s just move on to my thoughts of the day.

I have shared a few of the wise sayings that have been a big part of my being the person I am. Today the words are ones that have been repeatedly echoed into my ears in recent times that hold no wisdom to me.

“Things don’t have to be right – just have to be made to look like it was done right.” This first saying sends chills down my spine each time it is whispered softly behind closed doors. What has happened to the values of honesty, truth, and integrity that meant so much to most members of our society? This is such a foreign thought to my brain cells that my mind has a difficult time accepting the words were actually spoken.

“It is easier to get forgiveness than permission.” How would you feel if this were your spouse, child, employee, or financial adviser saying these words? This saying tells me the person saying it has no respect for authority, no concern for the feelings of others, nor consideration for right.

“If everyone will just keep their mouth shut about this, no one will get in trouble.” Would you like to be paying this person’s salary? A person should not blindly follow an employer, but if you are going to cash the paycheck, you should follow their directives as long as they a legal and moral. Once you realize you are in a company that is not what you thought, you have a choice. The choice is simple in words however it is a very difficult choice to make – stay and fight to change things or go and try to find a place more in line with your thinking.

The wiser words are
“If you do things right, you don’t ever have to worry about anyone checking your work.”
“Stay steadfast in your attempts to receive the permission for what you know is right and worthwhile.”
“Always do things by the book when working to make necessary changes in order to better serve the people in your life daily.”

Good luck and best wishes to all of you who are fighting the good fight. To those who are on the border, come join us. To those who live by the first three phrases, I hope you find a better way and believe you will be happier when you do.

Until next time…